I haven’t eaten “fast food” in so many years now that I’ve simply forgotten exactly how long it’s been. Okay, technically that’s not quite true. I’ll eat the fries from time to time. McDonald’s fries are the best. What can I say? Those yellow strings of potato, soaked in beef juice, fried and salted are pretty darned tasty. They’re different from the others. It must be that beef juice.

My avoidance began rather abruptly with a McDonald’s chicken sandwich. Maybe it was the mayo, maybe something else that had gone a bit bad. Whatever it was, it ravaged my digestive system for about four days. The most unfortunate thing was that those particular four days corresponded with a four-day weekend. When you mess with my four-day weekend there will be consequences. I swore the stuff off.

But yesterday I broke my resolve.

My wife and son had planned for a couple of days to have lunch at McDonald’s. She was off from work early, it was the day before my son’s birthday (he likes the stuff – as most young people do), and they invited me along if I could manage to get away. My plan was to grab a slice of pizza beforehand and have some fries and a coke while enjoying their company. But my business at the bank ran a little over and I was hungry. As we queued up I decided it couldn’t hurt – just this once – to have something more.

The menu had changed a great deal since I last read it. The store wasn’t crowded so the girl behind the counter waited patiently. I opted for a rather large burger with mushrooms and Swiss cheese. Angus beef, the menu stated, a third of a freakin’ pound. That’s a big burger! I added fries and a coke. (I had to dispense my own soda, too. Is that common these days?) Overkill, no doubt, but I figured it would be okay given how little of this kind of stuff I eat. Besides, I wanted to feel the effect, if any, that it would have on my system.

After that burger I was no longer hungry. I wasn’t for the rest of the day. I burped and farted my way though the afternoon. I think I felt bloated, fatigued, but those around me said it was my imagination. Dinnertime came and went. My desire for food had been erased!

It’s the next morning as I write. I’ve got my usual pot of strong black coffee at my side. Usually breakfast would be on my mind. It’s not. I didn’t get sick from yesterday’s lapse. But I’m thinking it’ll be a long time before my next fast food adventure.