Florida kills stuff.

I’m convinced. Maybe it’s the heat, maybe the moisture, I don’t know,

Dead flipflops exhibiting 'talking shoe' syndrome.
Dead flipflops exhibiting ‘talking shoe’ syndrome.

but it’s something. Stuff rusts that never did before. Stuff rots, falls off, just stops working… you name it.

A week or so back my flipflops failed. Notice the ‘s’? As in plural? Yeah, both of ’em. At the same time. In the same way. The soles began to delaminate. At first I thought I had stumbled over some irregularity but no, they were falling apart. The classical ‘talking shoe’.

“But they’re nearly new!” I complained. “And they’re the best damned flipflops I’ve ever had!”

“Bullshit,” Pam scoffed. “they aren’t new. You’ve had them for years.”

They came from Land’s End so I checked the records. Pam was right, of course. I bought them on July 29th… 2006.

I remembered thinking, back in 2006, that at $24 those were some pretty expensive flipflops. I guess after having a zillion pair of those plastic $2 flipflops they were pricey.

New flipflops, just delivered.
New flipflops, just delivered.

I began thinking about what I might do… contact cement, glue, epoxy…

“Just get some new ones already!” Pam advised.

She was already at her computer. Land’s End still had ’em, but what was once cloth or some sort of synthetic was now leather. I braced myself.

$59! But wait, they were on sale for $29. She placed the order.

And today Dan, our mail delivery guy, brought ’em.

They’re comfy and look like they’ll last forever. And they’d better. Let’s see… 2006 price divided by… Yeah, these should last until around April 2034. Later, if you adjust for inflation…

But Florida kills stuff. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Go ahead and say it.