Thanks, But No Thanks

Unmatched Pleasure
Ad spotted at Wawa Store #912. Click for full-size.

“Unmatched Pleasure”

That’s what the sign promised.

Y’know, friends, as far as I’m concerned there’s simply NO pleasure in the whole wide world that matches the pleasure of gum disease. Unless, of course, you can find some way to cram tooth loss into the mix.

Well, your search is over! Here’s the product that’s done it.

I bought all that I could fit in my truck. NOT.

I think I’m going to package a hammer with a nail. The marketing sheet will promise that if you use the product properly – that is, by pushing the nail through your hand with the aid of the hammer – it’ll deliver the unmatched pleasure of a hole in your hand.

One thought on “Thanks, But No Thanks”

  1. I want in on the hammer deal, with one small change — aim for the center of the forehead instead of the hand.

    Maybe two nails — #1 for the hand, #2 for the forehead.

    OTOH, where I live, in old folks and disabilityville, I know of old folks who shut off their oxygen, removed the cannula, have a cigarette (maybe two), then replace the cannula and turn on the O2 again. Sometimes they jack the O2 up a notch before and/or after to make up for the time off the gas.

    Last year I lost an elderly friend who played it a bit differently. She was on O2, made no bones about the fact that she’d done it to herself, and had quit smoking. But if you light up near her, please do it upwind so she can still get the smell she likes. I miss them — Ellie and her dog Emmy (I was one of the minority of people that Emmy actually liked).

Go ahead and say it.